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January 16
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"Nothing lives forever",
Says the crier with a sigh
For once he spoke the truth,
Fed up with all of the lies
-
"Nothing lasts forever",
The dreamer's eyes agape
You can't fix everything
With nails, bolts, or tape
-
"No one loves forever",
The widow softly sings
A grave now long-forgotten
No visitors it brings
-
I yearn for forever,
But I can't even have then
I aim too high and crash on down
And start it all again
:iconowari999:
Despair is an all-too-common companion, present when no others are.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmichel-le-fou:
By nature of a critique, two things struck me at once. The former is the use of repeated phrases for emphasis. That was broken by the last stanza, which I liked too. We all yearn but we can't get. The second detail is there is a lyrical sound to it that could be good Blues/jazz rhythm, and I wonder whether you thought about that or not. It was altogether a refreshing and tender work.
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:iconowari999:
~Owari999 Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I appreciate your input! I very much enjoy cycle-breaking as a literary tool, and I felt it worked especially well with this piece, so I am glad to see I'm not alone in thinking so. The rhythm this is written to is something I've had in the back of my brain for years, with no origin I can recall.

Thanks again for the commentary!
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:iconmichel-le-fou:
Sure! It was really swell.
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:iconjesterdk:
~JesterDK Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I like it.

It's just too bad that I hate you now. You knew this wouldn't last forever. Hahaha
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:iconowari999:
~Owari999 Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Curse your inevitable betrayal.
Reply
:iconjesterdk:
~JesterDK Jan 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
"Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"

I hope you were referencing. Hahaha
Reply
:iconowari999:
~Owari999 Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I was referencing a reference to firefly. I know enough to know that's what it's from, but still haven't seen ot.
Reply
:iconjesterdk:
~JesterDK Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
That quote is from the first episode, so I thought you started watching it recently or something. Got all excited. I was going to drop ALL KINDS of Jayne quotes on you. Hahaha
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:iconstevenalister:
~StevenAlister Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
You... Are awesome
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:iconowari999:
~Owari999 Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I appreciate your flattery.
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